I wish this title was a typo. I don’t think I have had a preschool conference before. I know I didn’t with Ransom. Then, I was too terrified to send Memphis to preschool, so she did not have one (and has been making up for it since), and Cora Jo just had those little open houses where everyone smiles and points to the globs of paint on the walls and wishes they could all go back to preschool again.

This was a no doubt conference. I had to sign up for a time. Inner monologue:

“They are holding conferences? For preschool? If he was eating too much paste, I guess they would have already sent a request to replenish the art closet. If he doesn’t know all his colors and numbers yet, well, he’s four…I think he’s ok. What might they tell me in a preschool conference that I don’t already know?”

Still, I’m a teacher. I have compulsions. I snatched up a conference time. My mind wandered back to a month or so ago at the back to school night, where a couple cornered the preschool teacher for ten minutes about the pictures their daughter had colored using only blue crayon. They were very concerned. Eyebrows stitched, leaning forward, and serious, they plaintively told the teacher, “Is E__ still coloring with only blue? I don’t know why she is doing that! She uses all the colors at home! What should we do?” They were wringing their hands. The teacher tried to reassure them that she would be fine and not to make a big deal out of it. They prattled on like the preschool teacher should have a twelve-step program for blue-coloring-addictions.

I just tried to stop eavesdropping and quell the onslaught of jokes that were waiting to be had, if only the parents weren’t so truly concerned.

Good grief.

So, I attended the conference on my almost five-year-old bouncing baby boy. What I learned:

1. He doesn’t know our phone number or address. This would concern me, but we’re moving in a few months. I always give my kids a card or put a sticker on the inside of their jackets with my contact information when we are in places away from home. I did give Memphis the job of teaching him the info. He’ll probably know it by the time I finish writing this post.
2. He has great hair. I wish I had anything to do with it. He’s got good genes. ( this is not something I learned, just something we discussed)
3. I really like the program he is in, because it emphasizes play and social interaction. They are learning colors and numbers, but in fun and natural ways.
4. Do NOT sign up for a conference behind a parent with a first-born in the program… you will be late to wherever you are going post-conference.

Yup, that pretty much wraps up what I learned at preschool conferences. Better go check on Memphis and Jet.