Don’t tell Joker or Penguin, but Batman (our youngest son Jet) failed a vision screening at kindergarten, and he had to go to the optometrist. All of our older children went to the optometrist before our overseas screening and no one needed glasses, which was a big surprise since they allegedly have half my nearsighted DNA. Batman was too little to be screened by the regular optometrist at the time.

Kindergarten made him go blind (it has the same effect on me). At the optometrist’s office, he survived the eyeball photographs and the air puff test, and we headed back to the exam room. I was strategically placed behind the exam chair, I assume so I wouldn’t help him cheat.

The doctor came in and asked a few questions, and then she flashed her row of letters on the wall.

Doc:   “Can you read those?” (Letters say  K O E N Z P)

Jet:      “N…*squinting, long pause* O, P, Q, R S…” he grins

Doc:   laughs, “Ok, let’s look at this row.” (Letters flash E Z P O C G)

Jet:      E, C…. D, E, F, G

Doc to me: “He knows his letters right?”

Me:   “Yes.” (I want to explain that he just read me a whole book the night before, and yes he knows his letters, but optometrists make us nervous. Wait…maybe that is just me. Luckily I kept all that in my head.)

Doc to Jet:   “Okay. Are you sure about those last couple? Don’t guess, try to read them.”

Jet:      “ A, B, C, D, E.” (I’m losing faith in the process here)

Doc: “ OK. Maybe we need to look at one letter at a time.”

She ran through several screens, and then adjusted the lenses, asking him if one slide was better than the other, but it was clear that Batman was tired and wanted to go to the snack bar and be finished with this Riddler of an optometrist.

They dilated him to get a better picture of the eye, so they could make the best guess at his prescription. Turns out he has Astigmatism and Hyperopia (which does not plague all kindergarten kids, contrary to popular belief).  Batman was issued a pretty strong prescription and some wraparound sunglasses. The doctor encouraged us to get him fitted for the first pair, even if it was a little pricier, and then order backup glasses from a less expensive online source. He warned us that Batman’s lenses alone would run about $200. *gag…choke*

Long story short, Batman got glasses. A week later, he left them on the ground next to the trampoline and someone stepped on them.  Argh! On Groundhog’s Day we were back at the optical shop ordering replacements, because the backup glasses I had ordered online were not here yet. If he wasn’t so darn cute, I’d have him locked up in Arkham Asylum.

I guess the glasses also made him rethink his superhero persona, because here he is sporting a Spidey glove.