Well, the bugs here understand English, but the exterminators do not. It’s a problem. Part of the joy? trial? of living here is that the bugs are… healthy. In our kitchen, we have little brown bugs. They aren’t getting into food (so far), but one or two scurry across the counter a few times a day (before being squashed) to remind me they were here first. Aside from the brown bugs, once a week or so I’ve seen a couple of one inch roaches, which I call the brown bugs’ handlers. I don’t feel infested, but they are annoying.

When we went to Tokyo, they had a bug’s life Thanksgiving I guess, because when we walked in, I shrieked. There were probably only ten or so little brown ones on the floor and three roaches, but suddenly I felt like we were overrun. The next day, I called the housing entomology line (see, there ARE a lot of bugs…housing has an entomology line) and set up an appointment. I described the two types of bugs we were seeing. They would come in two days.

On the morning entomology was scheduled to come, I lovingly announced to the kitchen bugs that they would be meeting their maker at 2 o’clock, and I would not miss them. Then I left. I came back in time to meet the exterminators, who were all Japanese. I took them into the kitchen and showed them all the places where we were regularly seeing bugs.  Only I didn’t see any bugs. We searched the counter crannies. We looked by the baseboards. We lifted the microwave.

One man finally said, “Bugs here? When here?”

I took a couple deep breaths and calmly explained they were alive and scurrying THIS MORNING. The men nodded and kept looking.

There was not ONE BLESSED BUG to be found in the whole place. I’m not kidding. The entomologist specialists moved the stove and the refrigerator. They looked under the sink. They searched every cabinet. Those darn roach handlers had rounded up all the little brown bugs and taken a late lunch outside. I could feel the exterminators search my face for signs of lunacy.

Finally, the head guy said, “I no see, but we spray. You leave… two hours.” I nodded and carried my dog out to the van.

Later that evening when I was fixing dinner, a little brown bug scurried from behind the coffee pot, stopped and laughed. Clearly, the bugs understand English. Next time I will threaten them in French or German.