I have a few friends who have asked me about international flights with kids. I have only survived one so far, and I am quickly blocking out the memory. That said, I have made a few notes for myself and others who will fly with children.
- Pack half of what you think you will need. Then throw out another suitcase. Add traveling blankets, lollipops, and earplugs. Practice carrying five fully loaded, bulging backpacks, since everyone will suddenly lose their ability to walk and carry a backpack at the same time in the airport terminal.
- Turn your air conditioning down to 60 degrees and practice sleeping sitting up in a hard or lumpy chair with a thin, short blanket. Then, add a heavy child to sleep on your lap, preferably with an elbow in your face or gut.
- Have your children repeat the phrase, “We’re hungry!” four hundred times or for twelve hours, varying in pitch and whine-tone. Serve a meal in a plastic compartment box. For full effect, have one of the kids wiggle the table while you try to eat, simulating turbulence. Have the children refuse to eat. Give them lollipops instead. Once you clear away all the trays of food, cue children to beg for a tray. Wait a full half hour. Get them a tray, and watch as they selectively eat one noodle and the crackers, while dumping the salt and pepper packets on each other.
- Practice bathroom trauma with a fun game of red light green light. Red light- hold it. Green light- race to the bathroom. For extra fun, call out red light WHILE someone is in the bathroom. Announce loudly outside the door, “Ladies and Gentlemen, the captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. Please return immediately to your seats and make sure your belt is securely fastened.”
- For best results, complete steps 1-4 in a public place. Find and keep your sense of humor. It’s the only way to survive.