Some of you have asked me about my master’s thesis and my progress (or lack thereof). Here it is:

Does the black and white effect make it look more scholarly? I am in a season of revision. It’s been a LONG season. In January of 2010, I gleefully submitted the first draft of my master’s thesis to my professor for review, expecting some notes and a quick advance to the next level. Hmph. I am still in revision. With my FIRST of three readers. Scream with me now, 1,2,3… AHHHH!

Ah, thank you. I feel better. I hate to admit it, but the paper is infinitely better today than it was in January 2010. How do you spend a year and a half revising one measly paper though? I dunno. We did move across the country last summer. I do have four kids and a teaching job. Even then, though, you would think that I could just make myself sit there and finish it, right?

I have seriously considered dropping it. My best friend Heidi talked me off that cliff a couple times. My husband just shook his head no. Plus, I’ve already paid for it. Pffffft.

During the school year, we  scheduled Saturday mornings for me to work, and I locked myself in the office. I read, re-read, checked research, and reacquainted myself with several years of work. Some days, I can work through pages at a time; sometimes I can only muster the energy to fix a paragraph. The work is so slow and often difficult.

When I took my master’s classes, I furiously took notes during each class and then spent each evening looking up half the words or texts the professor had used or referenced. I listened to Dora and Disney channel on the weekends with my kids and was expected to deconstruct archetypes in Dante during the week. The result was a kind of cognitive dissonance, which basically means I was insane most of the time. I learned so much though- about my subject area and myself- because I had to work so hard.

Today, I pull out my stack of notes, reread the pages outlining my professor’s comments, open the word files, and begin the positive self-talk.  Then, I usually snivel for a bit, “I can’t do this. It’s too hard. I’m too old or too young to be lost in all this drivel. Shouldn’t I just feed children in Africa instead?” Then I kick myself, thinking I should pray to the God of the Universe, who already understands the narcissistic tendencies of revenge artists in Elizabethan revenge tragedy. Next comes the distraction phase, “Maybe if I just take a peek at Facebook, someone will have posted some inspirational quote that will suddenly straighten out the problem on page 7. Or perhaps I should just find one small recipe to make for dinner tonight, then that will save me time later. Maybe I should write a blog post for next week. I know! I need an ‘Eye of the Tiger’ thesis playlist for motivation!” Alas.

Starting large projects is easy, but finishing them is hard.

I think about my students. They often follow my same pattern of procrastination. Some of them are also masters of the “I’ll just pretend it isn’t there!” method (which I only use when on vacation– the rest of the time I tend to rely on sniveling and distraction). What words do I give my students? I tell them to begin. Just begin. Work for ten minutes. Stop the voices, just for ten minutes. Take the smallest step forward. Write one word, then another, until you have a sentence. Then write another, then another.

One small step. I can do that today. Do you procrastinate, too? How do you get yourself moving? (I pinky-swear-promise I will finish my ten minutes of work BEFORE I check back for your comments and insight. And if you have a motivational playlist, please DO TELL.)