Don’t let the picture fool you.  Memphis quoted on the lazy river: “This ride is totally INTENSE!”

We have been in Galveston with family this week for some summer fun.  Galveston is full of fun things to do, but we HAD to go to Schlitterbahn water park.  Water parks kind of give me nightmares when they don’t make me nauseous, but I stop thinking about all the lost children, bare feet, bacteria, and chlorine long enough to buy the tickets, and we go.

First of all, Schlitterbahn boasts thirty-two water attractions. (They really can’t count all the people-related attractions that end up here on tubes and slides in varying states of undress and wackiness, but I digress.)  We set off with four children, ages 11, 9, 8, and 4. We had four adults, ages…old enough to be in charge of one kid each.  Ransom (our oldest) wants to ride nearly everything.  Then there are the girls, who want to ride maybe one kiddie slide and the lazy river tube thing.  Jet just wants to be in the water swimming, period.  The cement was too hot to walk on, so we rode the lazy river anywhere we wanted to go.

There are really two types of people on the lazy river:  those who paddle, and those who float.  And then there is my daughter Memphis.  Schlitterbahn calls the lazy river the Kristal River.  It is a huge 3 foot deep water loop around the park.  Usually, you just get on the tubes and pretty much float along peacefully until you are fried and have to get off to reapply sunscreen.  With Memphis, it is so much more.  She feels it is her personal mission to manage her own tube as well as anyone within the sound of her voice—those who know her will understand that half the park is probably within the sound of her voice.

First, we have to find tubes, which SHOULD be just waiting at each of the river ‘beaches,’ but everyone stockpiles them so you have to throwdown with a gang of seven-year-olds to get a tube.  Memphis politely and loudly pointed out MANY times all the signs that said NOT to stockpile tubes.

Once we have the tubes, we get in them (flopping noises) and maneuver our way into the jet stream.  This is generally the point when most people relax, kick up their feet and soak in a few rays.  Not Mem.  She is on duty.  She is redirecting other tubes, telling kids who do not have tubes how “it is completely unsafe to be without a tube in this area, oh well, if they get hurt it is their own fault.”  She is a big advocate for paddling.

Schlitterbahn ups the excitement value though by adding a section called the Torrent River. The Torrent River section works up a small to large wave every minute or so, accelerating the tubes through the high-walled loop.  It feels slightly like an ocean wave that bobs you up.  If the place is not packed, it is just a good way to get wet.  Packed, it takes on a whole new level of intensity, especially with Memphis on your tube.  (Note Mem’s face in the background here)

“Oh, no…oh no, it’s coming! Get those kids out of the way!  They are going to be drowned!” she screams, and a small wake worthy of a bath tub splash slides under the tube.

“Whew, that was a small one.  That means the next one is going to be…ACK!  HANG ON!  HERE IT COMES!” she yells again, bracing herself.

Repeat forty five times.

None of my children were lost (although Jet did launch himself out of the tube during the Torrent River once and was quickly recovered).  We built up some wicked immunities.  The grins at the end of the day marked the Schlitterbahn a success.  Pretty sure without Mem it would have been a bust.  I’m not really sure how the park manages on days she is not there.

*BIG thanks to Aunt Becky, Uncle Chris and Papa who accompanied us, and to Grammy for sacrificing by watching Baby Ryan back at the condo so Becky and Chris wouldn’t miss the excitement* 😉