Today our stateside travel begins. Tomorrow we’ll tackle the international flight. In between now and then, feel free to read the next Lessons Learned post below, while we wrangle our pack mules, I mean kids, and our *ahem* seventeen bags in various airports. Mercy…

As a child, I was painfully shy. I remember hiding behind my dad’s legs at church. At heart, I am still an introvert, but I have had to learn to open up and talk to strangers again and again. Fortunately, my husband is a consummate people-person. He was made to talk to people. Early on in our marriage, I dubbed him the “church lady” and would often take my own getaway car to events to leave him plenty of time to finish all his conversations, while I could run away.

Even before my husband joined the Navy, we moved several times in a short period of time, bringing new jobs and new churches. At schools, I made acquaintances in my department and building. At church, I was much more guarded. Tattoo Man was on staff, which meant that people usually had a hodge-podge of expectations for him and often for me. I smiled from my appointed place at my appointed time, and thanked God I had small children, who could be counted on to throw a fit if I needed to make a quick exit. I enviously watched Matt’s ease around strangers, as he asked questions and listened. 

Once Tattoo Man was active duty again, I realized I would need to engage with people and learn to develop friendships if I was to survive this military life. Thank goodness our first duty station was Twentynine Palms–how many people can say that? I made several lifelong friends there through our church. I was not always the best friend, and I still had trouble engaging strangers, especially at events for Matt’s work. I became a master at smiling, nodding, shaking hands, and needing a drink refill when conversation lagged.

It was after we made the move to Camp Pendleton that I began to see that I could use some of my husband’s tricks to get people talking. I began listening to his conversations with an ear for his questions. I realized that with just a few questions, I could begin a conversation with people. I quit asking ‘yes or no’ questions and began asking more open ended questions, like “How long have you been here?” or “Where are you from?” or “What do you enjoy doing outside of work/home, etc?” Then, I listen. I really listen and let questions follow the natural course of the conversation.

Suddenly, I stopped dreading public events. I gained confidence in my ability to hold a meaningful adult conversation, and I have made so many great friends along the way. Thanks Matt, for teaching me how to talk to strangers.

Now, if only he knew Japanese….